I'm 161 cm tall, and I used to weigh around 47 kg.
Today, I'm around 57 kg.
So yes — that's about a 10 kg difference.
The younger version of me would probably hear that and say,
“Wait… TEN kilos?! Are we okay?”
But here's the funny part:
I like my body so much more now than I did when I was 47 kg.
Because eventually I realized that what I wanted was never simply a lighter body.
I wanted a body I actually enjoyed living in.
I thought 47kg would finally make me confident
There was a time when I believed reaching a certain number would fix everything.
At 47 kg, my legs would look better.
At 47 kg, clothes would fit better.
At 47 kg, I would finally feel confident.
So I ate less and kept trying to become smaller.
And yes, I lost weight.
But did my life suddenly become magical when the scale showed 47?
Unfortunately, no fireworks.
Instead, I just found something else to criticize.
I thought confidence was waiting for me at a specific weight.
In reality, I was just moving the finish line.
Then I started building my body instead of shrinking it
As I continued strength training, my goals slowly changed.
Instead of only wanting to become lighter, I started thinking:
“I want rounder glutes.”
“I want more shape through my waist.”
“I want curves and strength.”
And if I wanted to build my body, I also had to learn to eat enough to support it.
I couldn't keep being terrified of weight gain while trying to grow muscle and create shape.
So over time, I ate more, trained consistently, and let my body change.
Today I'm around 57 kg.
And somehow, at a higher weight, I feel better in my clothes.
I feel more confident in my shape.
And I genuinely like what I see much more than I used to.
Gaining weight didn't automatically mean getting worse
Losing weight is often treated like an automatic compliment.
“You lost weight!”
Sounds positive.
“You gained weight!”
…not usually delivered with the same enthusiasm.
But training taught me something important:
Weight gain and becoming less healthy or less attractive are not the same thing.
You might gain muscle.
Your body composition might change.
Your shape might change.
A scale can't tell you all of that.
It gives you one number.
That's it.
Honestly, we ask a lot from that poor little machine.
What a beautiful body means to me now
Today, beauty isn't just about being thin.
I want a body that lets me eat well, move with energy, train, travel, wear clothes I love, and look in the mirror and genuinely think, “I like her.”
I still have body goals.
Of course I do.
But there's one huge difference.
I'm no longer changing my body because I hate it.
I'm building it because I enjoy it.
I didn't actually want to be lighter.
I wanted to feel at home in my own body.